Sadness

I had thought about swinging over to the farmstead this morning to check on the sick pig.  But I woke up super early for work, and I was already running late.  So I wasn't able to do so.

The sick pig on Day One of his quarantine.  He never really moved much.

It was another cold night, but I was eager and hopeful that the straw, injection, and sweater would do the trick.

On Day Two, I covered him deep in straw for the cold night we had.

So part of me was anxious today to hear from Mom later today about the pig.  I knew she would drop by after work to check on him, as she has a heart of gold.

One Day Three we gave him a sweater to keep warm for the last below-freezing night.

Maybe Dad would swing by.  "Your pig is up and moving," he would say.

Good, good, give it a few days, and he will re-join the rest of them.

Instead, as I was sitting in Florida, I received a simple text from Dad: "Your sick pig died."

Ugh.  The text hit me like a load of bricks.  I don't even know this little fella.  I've only owned him a couple of days.  But it hurt!  When I took ownership of him, he became a part of the family now.  He is under my watch.  He is mine to take care of.  And he is now dead.

So many thoughts.  What was it?  Was it his wild reaction last night to being held while being so weak?  Was it actually pneumonia?  Was it the bitter cold in this early spring?  Was it not being able to huddle with the rest of the herd and stay warm?  Was it the cold drive home?  Was it a parasite in the new barn or pasture?  Was it some piece of trash that he swallowed?  Was I sold a sick pig or sick pigs?  Was he given shots as a baby?  Did he have a bad reaction to the antibiotic last night?

Seriously, so many thoughts.  But it hurts.  It's just that feeling of, "Life wasn't made to be like this."

All of the pigs were active when brought home...so what was it?

Death is so...sudden.  And permanent.  Part of me wondered if he was just out of it...but not dead.  "Are you sure he's dead"? I asked Dad.  "Oh, yes, definitely."

Dad thinks he died just recently (likely this morning sometime).  His body was fresh and not stiff.

I am educated enough to know that death is a part of raising livestock, but it still hurts.  I really WAS pulling for this little guy.  I made a special long trip for the meds.  It was just the right thing to do.  That adds to the pain.  I researched so much and spent extra money on this guy to make him well.

And he's gone.

I'll focus my energy on the 14 remaining.  But today sucks.